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to the endless baloney about how well the me
<br />pjoer or r e Denv r Post toriallbbooaard.
<br />How Colorado can best meet
<br />its obligations to Kansas
<br />here are times when Coloradc
<br />does not enjoy a good reputation
<br />with its neighbors, and one of
<br />those occasions was a family pic-
<br />nic I attended in the summer of 1983.
<br />That was a wet year, and I figured one
<br />Of my cousins, who farmed wheat in west-
<br />ern Kansas, would be anticipating a boun-
<br />tiful and profitable harvest.
<br />But instead, he was complaining. "Did
<br />you know that it was front -page news in
<br />Dodge City that there was water flowing
<br />in the Arkansas River ?"
<br />No, I hadn't. "And do you know how
<br />much damage that caused, to have water
<br />in the river, to all the farm machinery and
<br />other stuff parked in the river bed ?"
<br />I started to explain that anyone with
<br />more intelligence than a Kansas farmer
<br />might know better than to store valuable
<br />equipment in a river bed, but he interrupt-
<br />ed me.
<br />"We always thought that there was one
<br />thing . we could absolutely rely
<br />on: That Colorado would never
<br />let a drop of water come into
<br />Kansas. You guys have half the
<br />water lawyers in the world to
<br />look after your interests. What
<br />went wrong this year ?"
<br />But not all Kansans share his
<br />attitude about the utility of a
<br />dry river bed. In* 1985, Kansas
<br />sued Colorado for not living up
<br />to.-its obligations under a 1949
<br />interstate compact that requir-
<br />ed a certain amount of water to
<br />reach the Sunflower State via
<br />the Arkansas River.
<br />. Kansas won, and now the U.S.
<br />Sulrceme Court is trying to calculate how
<br />mrich we owe them. Colorado would pre -
<br />fQr'to send water, while Kansas wants
<br />cash — about $62 million, money that
<br />would be hard to find in our state budget.
<br />But maybe we could make Kansas an
<br />offer that involves some state asset that
<br />we could spare.
<br />For instance, we've got thousands of
<br />mountains. The highest point in Kansas —
<br />Mount Sunflower in Wallace County, hard
<br />by the Colorado line - is only 4,039 feet
<br />above sea level, and those who have seen
<br />it say that it's not much of an eminence.
<br />Clearly, Kansas could use a better
<br />mountain. We could offer to tear down one
<br />of our obscure and unnamed peaks and
<br />ship it to Hamilton County for re- assembly
<br />as a tourist attraction.
<br />And if Kansas took the offer, we could
<br />cheat just a little and solve some of our
<br />own problems. We've got thousands of cu-
<br />bic yards of mine dumps and mill tailings,
<br />and much of that is toxic or radioactive
<br />stuff that the EPA wants us to remove.
<br />Stack the rocks and grit in Kansas. They
<br />get a handsome peak, and .we solve some
<br />of our environmental problems while com-
<br />pensating our neighbors for the water we
<br />didn't send them. And in this era of adven-
<br />ture tourism, the' "opportunity Ao. climb -
<br />"Mount Toxic or "Radium Glow' Peak"
<br />tors to Syracuse and Coolidge.
<br />Even better, if the pile were shaped like
<br />an Egyptian or Mayan pyramid, persons
<br />seeking cosmic enlightenment might visit
<br />Kendall or Lakin instead of various Colo-
<br />rado mountain towns. Trust me, we can
<br />spare a few thousand New Age pilgrims to
<br />Kansas.
<br />But Kansas has some sharp attorneys —
<br />it must, to have beaten our water lawyers
<br />in court — so we'll probably need to offer
<br />something besides a mountain.
<br />History offers a suggestion for further
<br />reparations. Before Colorado Territory
<br />was formed in 1861, the entire Western
<br />Slope was part of Utah Territory. On the
<br />east side, Nebraska extended down to the
<br />40th parallel (Baseline Road in Boulder).
<br />The San Luis Valley and eastward to the
<br />103rd meridian (the west edge of the Okla-
<br />homa panhandle) was New Mexico. All the
<br />rest was part of Kansas Territory (and
<br />since Kansas gained statehood on Jan. 29,
<br />1861, shortly before Colorado
<br />Territory was organized on Feb.
<br />28, 1861, it was even part of the
<br />state for almost a month).
<br />In that western Kansas pan-
<br />handle was an El Paso County,
<br />Pretty much where our El Paso
<br />County is today.
<br />Why not give that back to
<br />Kansas?
<br />It's certainly worth much
<br />more than $100 million, the
<br />most that Kansas has ever
<br />claimed as damage for not get-
<br />ting enough water.
<br />We'd be losing a county with
<br />about 500,000 residents, almost
<br />all of them hard -core Republicans (I met
<br />an El Paso County. Democrat once, and
<br />she said she'd introduce me to the other
<br />one the next time I visited Colorado
<br />Springs). Thus our statewide politics
<br />would be more competitive.
<br />And as a substantial part of the Kansas
<br />electorate (about 20 percent of the popula-
<br />tion), El Paso County would ensure that
<br />there wouldn't be any more controversies
<br />about teaching evolution in the public
<br />schools — the elected state board of edu-
<br />cation would always have a solid creation-
<br />ist majority.
<br />This offer provides substantial benefits
<br />on both sides. The only drawback would be
<br />that Colorado Springs residents would
<br />have to change their speech habits. I have
<br />some relatives in El Dorado, Kan., and
<br />they pronounce it "El Do- RAY -do" and as-
<br />sure me that this barbarism is just as
<br />proper as "Our Kansas" River for the Ar-
<br />kansas River.
<br />�4
<br />ED
<br />QUILLEN
<br />So it would be "Co -lo- RAY -do Springs"
<br />in "El PAY -so County." That's not a big
<br />deal. We could all learn to adjust, and
<br />save Colorado water and money in the
<br />process.
<br />Ed Quillen of Salida '(cozineQa chaffee.net) is a
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